Vaguely sad

I've been in a good place for a while, so a mini-emotional breakdown is overdue. I am mad lonely. I had a really vivid dream about my ex-boyfriend, who I haven't even seen for two years. (Well, I saw him walking once while I was driving. Doesn't count.) I really missed him out of nowhere. It's retarded. That's the last place I should be going.

I've been genuinely fine for a long time now with being single, and it's suddenly getting very hard. I don't know where this is coming from. I liked not having to worry about anyone else while I was making these monster changes in my life, and while things were changing it was nice not having to deal with big emotional ups and downs. I think I'm ready now and suddenly the absence of possibility is overwhelming. I feel really overweight (which I am) and unattractive and kinda neutered, if that makes any sense. I don't know. I'm a little lost.

Is this because I quit therapy to save money? Oh dear. :)

xoxo