creaky

Wow, here I am again in less than a week. Crazy, eh?

Now that I'm here I have nothing to say. Surely not! Hmmmm…

I am going to see a chiropractor tomorrow for my ancient creaky back. Computers have messed me up. I got forms to fill out before I go, and there was a chart to write location and type of pain. I pretty much circled bra strap to skull and marked as both dull and stabbing. And my right shoulder to my wrist as numb. I'm suddenly optimistic that I can be fixed. And it's partly covered by my insurance. Copay, hooray!

I have been SO GOOD lately. It's freaking crazy. Let me tell you about my evening last night:

Went to a 7:00 AA meeting.
Resisted urge to cross street and pick up McDonald's for dinner.
Went home and watched my nightly episode of Season 1 Lost -- on the treadmill. It's my new thing. Exercise!!
Ate a salad.
Watched half a Project Runway.
Went to bed and read my book.

Astonishing, eh?

Am gearing up for my trip to New York that I totally can't afford. (Y'all. Seriously. I have spent SO MUCH MONEY lately.) So I'm going to be super cheap. Still going to H&M though, even though I am fat and do not deserve clothes. (We're supposed to be getting an H&M soon, but not damn soon enough.) Am not calling too many people this trip. Really have only a very few people I feel like seeing. Dunno. Just wanna wander around. It's gonna be freaking cold, though, which is why February is a dumbass time for a trip. We have daffodils blooming here, for god's sake. Oh, well, I'll come back and it'll officially be spring. Yippee!

Um, that's it for now. Just trying to check in more often. Keeses!!

Alcoholics go to meetings

Hi kids!!

In a magical lull* at work so am taking advantage to catch up here. Hi! Howdy! Missed y'all!

Things that are going on:

I've gotten mighty pudgy. That sucks. I don't feel like me when I have extreme muffin top and thigh chafing. Nasty.

Bea has a scabby head rash. It's an allergic reaction to something. The vet says to change her diet.

Um, I wrecked my car and have quit drinking. Those two things are IN NO WAY related (ahem). I am actually going to AA. Yes, seriously. I have actually uttered the words "I'm Sherri, and I'm an alcoholic." I am reading the BIg Book. Yes, let me repeat: I have quit drinking. And, um, the smoking of non-cigarettes as well, which has actually been harder so far. (I know the drinking thing will get harder when I let myself go out again. Then it will suck and I will have to deal.)

I could defend this decision since some of you are probably, oh, she's overreacting. I promise that I'm not. I've actively avoided being sober most of the time for a while now, but I think other people only saw it in snippets. My roommate didn't even know how bad it had gotten. My therapist has been telling me for a while, especially as behavior driven by alcohol has been a big source of concern for a while.

I've been grieving in my first week of sobriety. No more beer on a summer night? No wine with dinner? No margaritas? I'm bummed, definitely (massive understatement). This is a big, big deal. But I do feel better already, like a haze is lifting. I hate that I couldn't control my drinking and have gotten here, but that's kinda the point. And I can't evolve until I let myself feel things again instead of drowning everything out.

So here I am. I have to figure out who I am all over again.

I miss you, alcohol. I love you. Maybe one day we can work things out, but for now I can't see you anymore. I'll never forget you.

So, back to the car thing. I had been thinking about a new car but had decided against it. But when I totally whacked the fuck out of the front wheel assembly at 35mph I kinda rethought it. So I am the proud owner of a new Rabbit, which is basically my Golf five years later and with four doors. I feel so bad about hurting my wonderful little Golf so badly. I hope she finds a wonderful new home. I love you, my little Golf!

From when I cleaned her out, the before and after:




Life is crazy, eh?

More to come.


* I'm sure I could find SOMETHING to do.