a well-behaved girl

Y'all, I got nothin' here. I'm boring, for reals. Well, boring, but not bored: I just don't think things look especially exciting from the outside. I'm just working on myself full time.

See? boring.

I'm working on my 4th step right now, which is the moral inventory. It's been hard to get going on this one. I have to write up who/what/when/where/how kind of stuff on resentments, fears, blah di dah. Anyhoo, it's gonna take forEVER. I spent an hour yesterday writing about my dad. Of course, I'm going overboard (way too much time on one person), but I'm nothing if not thorough. All or nothing, baby, except that…

I've been kind of half-assing AA lately, and have been called on it a bit my some of my fellow AAs. I realized that somewhere along the way I had decided that not all of the tools you're supposed to use applied to me. I mean, I'm SMART and I'm in THERAPY: I don't need to call my sponsor every day. I don't have to go to 50 million meetings. I did, however, find out that missing meetings (and yoga) put me in a scary place mentally. I get frazzled and moody and feel a bit lost. I didn't really get what was happening until I realized that both of those things (meetings and yoga) are vital tools to make me grounded and centered. Booger. I thought I could do shortcuts. Shortcuts, though, make me want to be bad. I miss being bad. I also, though, like being good. Ees a conundrum.

So, yes, I am very well-behaved. Except for today, really: have been slammed lately at work and had a sudden lull today. I took full-advantage. Came in late, took a long lunch (went to the mall first time in forever and procured makeup and shoes for some much-needed girly treats) and am leaving a wee bit early. Deserve it, though, so I don't feel bad. Brain happier.

Okay, gonna run. Wanna hit Target before my meeting. Whoo! Exciting!!