28 (30?) days later

Wow, it's been a month since I've posted.

The past month has been… huge. I have a new job AND a new roommate. I know, right?

The new job is so big big big for me. It was my absolute best-case scenario, so I feel so (I hate this word, but it's true here) blessed. Happy happy. I love the projects and the people, so I have high hopes that I've finally found where I'm supposed to be working. Plus I don't have to sell my house and move to New York! Anyhoo, I have a three month contract to start, with going to staff after that if budgets look good. So even if they decide not to keep me I've got work until the new year. Why, though, wouldn't they want to keep me? :)

New roommate moved in last week. I like her very much, but I have gotten quite used to living alone and am having a hard time adjusting. It's also clear that I've gotten really damn finicky about my house and how I like to keep things, so her stuff is driving me crazy. Plus the poor girl sprained her ankle, totally sympathetic but an unfortunate side effect of that is that nothing has been put away or unpacked in over a week. The clutter's getting to me a bit. I'm trying real hard to chill the OCD a bit and I think I'm doing okay. Sometimes it's v. nice having someone around, so I need to focus on that.

Dating has come to a screeching halt. It's fine, though. I don't really feel like dealing with a guy right now. I know that's kinda bullshit, but it's somehow exactly how I feel. All of my new boys went away, and -- yay? -- I finally-fucking-finally got W out of my system. I saw him a couple of weeks ago, and things got physical (but I didn't sleep with him). And then… he totally blew me off. God, thinking about this makes me angry: maybe I didn't deal with this like I thought I did. I'm really just mad at myself, though, for being a total dumbass for falling for this shit again. Dude, I even gave him yet another (you have no idea) non-reciprocated (and I just LOVE to get them) back rub. Grrrr.

The plus side is that finally-fucking-finally all of my silly illusions about him just fell away at once. You know, like he really cared about me or that I was special to him. Blah di blah. He doesn't and I wasn't. And I don't care about him. Or I won't. Same fucking thing. I'd rather never get laid again than to settle, but… I'm missing my sexual peak, y'all. Sigh. When I finally find the right guy no one's gonna hear from me in months.

I don't settle, at least. People shake their heads at me and laugh at me for quitting jobs after nine days or, well, any of the other goofy stuff I do. I make my life harder than it needs to be, maybe, but that's okay. This job? I could have stayed there in February, but I needed to take the path that led back there again. It's been a fucking hard couple of months, and I learned some lessons I needed to learn. And I needed to walk away to choose to come back. And I appreciate it more. I appreciate THEM more. They may even appreciate ME more. We'll see. I'm happy and grateful, yo.

So, okay, I'm back writing. I'll be back soon. Seriously. I've missed y'all!