wah wah wah

By the way, I know I'm wallowing in self-pity. I'm allowed. I have to be careful, though. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to my sister on a Saturday night that I'd been a bit down lately, which she conveyed to my mom, which precipitated a call to me on a Sunday, etc. When I didn't answer immediately my mom left a series of frantic messages to my sisters, which in turn had both of them calling me… all in the two hours I was at Sunday brunch with friends and made a stop in TJ Maxx.

At least I feel safer about being found in a timely manner if eaten by large animals. What?

So, um, yay?

So… My Grand Dating Experience is over. Oh: W never called me after Spain, which… I couldn't decide whether or not to see him, so that took care of that, so, um, yay? And, yeah, so: Skinny Dude dumped me tonight. Awesome! I mean, I've seen him maybe every two weeks, we're very very different, it's not a passionate thing: I got that; I just enjoying getting to know him even though I knew it wasn't going anywhere big and passionate. But he wasn't supposed to BREAK UP with ME. Just… really? Right now?

It's fine, really. I give up.

I read today (yeah, chick lit. bite me.) that there are two kinds of girls: those that eat when they're down and those that… don't. I am officially the eat-everything-not-tied-down type. And I can't. stop. eating. lately. But, you know, it's fine, it doesn't matter if I pork up, whatever. /Pity party

//I think I have some junk food in the kitchen: I shall investigate. Might as well enjoy the wallowing. (Off topic, musing) I really should go buy some ice cream: it's my favorite, and if I'm heading into my biennial junk food binge I should go all out.//

It's early for a midlife crisis, but, you know, I never adhere to a schedule. Sigh. I have no idea what to do next, job-wise. I need to put lots of thought into it. Boy-wise: honestly, right now I don't give a shit. I really… can't be bothered.

That sounds both douchebaggish and assholey, but I don't care.

I need to go somewhere. I need to escape.

I'm poor. Anyone got a beach house?

M: My email refers to the previous post! :)

Oh, and the other thing…

I hurt somebody. I feel like shit.

It's good perspective for next time I'm hurt in a relationship. I guess. Suck.

So, same old story… this guy -- I like him a lot -- but he likes me more than I like him. Usually it's the other way with me, but still. Vaguely familiar.

I met him the night I broke up with W. G took me out, got me drunk as shit (that's a friend!) and we met this guy and hung out (until 3 or 4:00! On a Thursday!) late. So this guy… we went out a bit. I ended it because I thought he wanted more than I wanted to give, if you know what I mean. Plus I was much more upset about the breakup with W than I thought. I really wasn't ready for even rebound boy.

So I saw him a couple of weeks ago. He called out from his car going down Glenwood where I was crossing the street. He asked if he could call. I said yes.

We hung out a few times again. I was brutally honest, so I can take comfort in a clear conscience even though I decimated the guy. Yay me. Long story short, I ended it again. I feel so bad.

I'm still dating my skinny dude. Kinda. It's really… slow. I see him about every ten days so I forget in between if I like him or not. I like him as a friend a bunch, that's definite. The rest is TBD.

Bea is kneading my stomach and impeding my typing.

Anyway, this whole getting to know someone thing is very interesting. Much better, I think, than jumping in all cattywampus. Not that I wouldn't, just that I haven't. Good for now.

I have enough to figure out. I keep thinking I've gotten where I wanted to go and then I find out I haven't. It's so tiring. But exciting. Kinda. Mostly.

Kinda.

Bad day

I want to go back to bed.

My sister's pregnancy isn't one anymore. She's having to have a D&C tomorrow. She found out just a bit ago.

Deadline at work on a RETARDED project kept me here until 9:00 last night. Got a call this morning at 8:45 wanting to know where I was. On my way to work, which… what do you think? Got here -- at 9:07 -- and found three people huddled around my desk because it couldn't just fucking wait. And I thought my CD's head was going to explode when I left for therapy. I explained that I didn't know yesterday about the crunch today, so I didn't reschedule. And I'd be glad to stay if the company wanted to pay the $100 for missing the appointment with less that 24 hours notice. And my therapist would make me pay it, too.

Anyway. I'm really disgruntled and bummed right now. And fat. I was sad, so I ate french fries for lunch. And a patty melt. And a diet coke, which absorbs calories. Heh.

Fat.

Sad.

Bed. Do Want.

:(