My big fucking mouth

I took the blog down for a couple of days until I could get around to editing it.

I realized that I had done something wrong, and I was ashamed of myself.

It took sending the link to this website to someone in anger to really realize what I was doing in writing about a private relationship here. If the tables had been turned, and I found out someone had been writing personal stuff about me to their friends, well... I'd be pissed. It was a fucked up thing to do. I really didn't think about it like that until I had busted myself. And that's what I did. I made a drunken grand gesture instead of having a discussion with the person like a normal *ahem* sane person. I was hurt and angry and lashed out. That's not the kind of person I want to be.

So... I've edited this thing down. My goal now is to keep my fucking mouth shut about anything I'd be embarrassed about if the person involved read it. I may still go back and remove all references to jobs and work: I need to think about that. In any case, I've learned a lesson, and it fucking hurt.

I'm realizing that I've been a mess lately. The job shit. The breakup. The surprise that the breakup was hard. I'm going to do what I did this time last year: I'm going to spend some quiet time working on the house and the yard, and quit spending every damn night eating out and drinking. And alsolutely fucking-tively not hitting 'send' on anything while impaired in any way, which in retrospect should have been obvious. I mean, FUCK.

Okay, changing topics.

So this weekend I'm going to paint my dining room. I'm going to stop obsessing AND procrastinating and just buy the fucking paint. I'm starting with the dining room as it's the smallest and I am, after all, lazy. I'm hoping it will look so great that it will make the other rooms look like shit and motivate me to do those, too.

I just stared at the screen for a couple of minutes and realized that I'm not in the mood to write more. More introspection, less blathering. I think I really feel burned on this blog thing. I need to take some time to get my head around it. Among other things.