The weird lull between Christmas and New Year's

I read other people's blogs and they're so funny. Mine's not. I think I'm in a weird place right now, and it somes out so damn mopey. So I've put off writing until I felt like I could write less whiny — so it's been a while.

Christmas kind of sucked (way to start positive!). I really felt alone. Blah blah blah divorcecakes. Family. Traveling. The usual. The holiday had some good moments but everything felt off. I think it all started when Eepie peed on my head.

Sigh. Sorry. This is no fun at all. I need to stop with being sad, even though my therapist today said it's all totally normal even after I cried pretty much the whole session. Okay. Stopping!

So... I'm really feeling the New Year's resolutions this year. There's a lot to look forward to — I just have to get through H moving out. And I need to lose weight. And to cut back on (quitting?) smoking. But until Sundayxxxxxx (Hee. That was Bea's contribution. Kittens and keyboards, yo.) there's three big ass ziploc bags in the kitchen to console me, with rice krispie treats, gingerbread men with icing, sugar cookies, fudge, red velvet cake*, some weird fruitcake cookie made with dried fruit soaked in my great-uncle Ted's homemade scuppernong wine (I haven't tried that one yet), peanut butter cookies and some sort of bar cookie with what looks like... white chocolate chips. Dude, you can tell my mom was busy.

*The cake is made by "that sweet colored lady" as my poor inadvertently racist grandmother puts it every year when this nice lady brings my grandma a cake. And they are always delicious. Lord. Yum. I think I'll go polish that off. Later.

I'm useless, yo!

I'm bored. Sure, I have stuff to do here at work, but I don't want to do it. I want to go hooooooome!

I know that if I was able to do work then the day would go by faster... and January would be easier. But we just had a Christmas party, and I am incapable of working after a Christmas party, even one with no alcohol. (Seriously, what's up with that? I know it's the middle of the day and that if I were to drink at lunch I'd be useless... but, look! I already am!)

I wanna go hoooooome!

I work near two malls. Pity me.

Except for the traffic and the money just flowing away I've had fun Christmas shopping this year. I have one more stop to make (I hope) and then I'll be done.

This year the family (well, my sisters, brother and fiancée, brothers-in-law, and aunt) are drawing names. My older sister was trying to be pragmatic about it, but ended up sounding so disappointed that I suggested optional $5 gifts for everyone you don't draw. Well, I've kinda flopped on the $5 part — some more than others, so I hope no one is doing math on Christmas Eve. Especially my younger sister, who is receiving a gift I got for free. I just love it though, so I hope she does too, even if it is branded C2 and was free. I really have to talk myself out of evening stuff up financially. As long as they like it, right? And that's really what I'm going for.

I lost my damn mind on my Dad's present. I went to Orvis, which was featured on a Queer Eye makeover which my dad saw (hee, by the way) and he had loved the clothes. Fisherman chic, yo. I found this great sweater which was TOTALLY my dad and proceeded to drop a fortune on it and a shirt. Other people might spend that kind of money on clothes but I just don't. But my dad has so little in the way of nice things and I think he deserves some nice clothes. My dad deserves a lot in general.

Oh, and I had already gotten him Andy Griffith Season Two. Like I said, I've lost my damn mind.

I got my mom a good gift, I hope. It's more practical than fun, but it is something she needs. I hope. And I hope *practical* is okay.

This week should be fun, except for the traffic. I took a walk at lunch and picked up a gift at Aveda for my aunt and a giant burrito at Chipotle for lunch. That was nice, especially as it was taking 10 minutes for people to get out of our parking lot today. Working in Buckhead -- near the two nicest malls in the SE -- is taking a toll on me at Xmas. Damn. I am dreading my commutes this week.

Tonight my friend G is going to help me pick up a Steelcase desk that G&L are giving me. Sweet!

Talk to y'all later.

I will never date again...

...if I spend my weekends taking pictures of my kitties. :)





But aren't they the cutest??

If it's raining I must have a photo shoot...

Wow. Killing time at work. I forgot what that was like.

So my photo shoot got rained out. Swear to God. So bummed as I was almost done with the damn things. We'll have to reschedule for January. Everyone at work's been laughing at my impeccable timing. Seriously: every rainy day for the last month has occurred on my photo shoot days.

H leaves tomorrow for Germany. I am helping him out by doing his critique for him tonight at PC. I rather like doing critiques so it was not a big deal for me and it sure helped him. He would have gotten home tonight at 11:00 and then had to pack. I do feel bad for him, he's working crazy hours. I hope he doesn't spend his entire vacation working offsite.

This should be a fun weekend. I have quite a few things planned. And I'll be alone! Lovely.

whew.

Here I am! I survived the week from hell! Seriously, y'all: the last two weeks have sucked donkey balls. Work has been oh so stressful. But I've gotten two projects (initially) designed THIS WEEK. One of which, was, oh, an ANNUAL REPORT. I rock.

Last night one of my bosses asked me how I felt about the work for Friday's (now today) presentation. I told her that it wasn't my best work, but that I was pretty damn proud of it. Again, honesty that might bite me in the butt, but I don't give a fuck. The work isn't good, but within the time restraints and with all the photo shoots imploding around me, it IS good.

I had to miss some fun events I was invited to so I could make my deadline, which made me sad. But I will have fun! I feel very Scarlett O'Hara-y here.

I think all three of my readers know this (hi!) and it's kind of old news, but in case you aren't one of the three readers (and who would you be?) I am working on a mortgage so I can buy my own house. No, literally, MY house. The one I live in. Yes, I am a bad person: I changed my mind at the last damn minute. Yes, we went through the work to put the house up for sale, the listing, the showings, the Open House, the offers, the bargaining, the inspection and THEN I realized that it was financially ridiculous to buy another house. So I paid a good bit 'o money to get out of the contract, compensating the would-be buyers and my realtor. I felt really bad about my realtor -- she was great. And, seriously: if you know someone who needs a realtor please let me recommend mine. I'd like to make it up to her.

And H has been good about it. He tends to start out being difficult (oh, god, I was mad at him for a while there) and comes around to being very cool. He's been supportive about all this.

So, today for the first time in ages I am not terribly busy at work, as you may have noticed by me actually writing. And I'm leaving early to take Bea to the vet. And it looks like I might actually have a fun weekend. I have a my-old-job Christmas party on Sunday. Talked with H&D about doing something. Need to do some shopping and some wrapping and maybe even some baking. Definitely some cleaning and laundry. Whoo! And less whoo! but totally fine, I promised to go car-shopping with H.

It is my last normal weekend with H. He leaves for Germany the next week, and when he gets back he'll be looking for an apartment and packing and moving. It's very fast, and I'm sad. I am.

I'll miss him very much, but it's a new life we're working on. It will work out. We will be happy. I will be happy. (I insist!)

I am SO whiny.

Dude, I just spent my Sunday at work changing travel arrangements for my photographer and assistant. And I fucked it up about $1500 so I hope to god we can fix it or bill it to the client. I really have to not freak out about this, as I'm pretty sure I'm not a travel agent or an account executive or a project manager. I am really over this crap, especially as it is even worse to lose a day to bloody travel arrangements than what I was going to lose it on: spending my Sunday at work catching up on design work (um, my real job) on a project I have not been able to spend any time on. I have, oh, nothing for a presentation on Friday. I don't like that. At all.

(And I still have to contact everyone for the changes for tomorrow's shoot, make final arrangements for Tuesday: getting final details on the ship's ETA, contacting the vessel agent to get us cleared with Homeland Security, contacting the corporate safety person who has to be on site, and getting directions to the photographer either to the port or to the helicopter place depending on whether the ship arrives before dawn. Cancelling or setting up the helicopter. And so on. Seriously.)

So now, I... I don't know what I am. Pissed, freaked out, worried, and trying to be righteously indignant at having to do all this instead of feeling like a failure for not being good at it? Yeah, that.

I still have to be creative. That's the hard part.

(pause for deep breaths)

Um, hi everyone. Hello my friends, who think I'm blowing them off. Miss y'all.

Gotta run, dinner's ready, And H and I are getting ready to have the big money discussion, so my mood could be getting even worse. Whoo!

I'll do a long entry soon. Much to talk about.