Saturday morning (well, afternoon now. damn.)

Well, I think we're under contract. We've agreed to everything, and am waiting for it to go binding. And I meet my realtor at 2:00 to go looking at houses.

I'm not as excited as I should be about the under contract thing. The buyers are awfully nickel and dime-y, and to my mind that doesn't bode well. Plus, they wrote in a provision about opting out if the house was in a floodplain. Well, when I first heard this I was all, no problem. We checked that out before we bought the house. The people across the street are in a floodplain, but we're not. But then suddenly this morning, H brings up that we don't have any certification of that. And he thinks the documents we looked at weren't proof in any case. So now we have to check this out, and not only could our buyers opt out if somehow the official documents have even a bit of our yard in a floodplain but we'd also have to put it on the seller's disclosure when we would, um, start from scratch.

So, I'm not exactly ecstatic. I don't get the feeling the buyers LOVE the house as they've been ridiculously nitpicky and really lazy about the whole back and forth. It doesn't make me confident that they really want to make the deal work.

Well, I guess we'll find out this week: the inspection and the flood proof thing wherever the hell that comes from. If they are as ridiculous about the inspection I might want to bail out of this deal. I'd rather not, but I will.

So, it's Saturday morning and I am on the couch under a blanket and have a cup of tea beside me. So cozy, and the cozy IS the best part of winter in my opinion. My mom just called to ask if there is anything in particular we'd like for Thanksgiving. She's so sweet. I love my mom. I'm a bit unhappy with H, as my mom asked to talk to him and I handed him the phone but he waved me off, which was really awkward as my mom KNEW he was in the room as I had tried to give him the phone. I made some "oh, I guess he's busy with something for work" lame excuse. Though why I defend H is beyond me, except that "I think he doesn't want to talk to you" is nothing my mom deserved, especially from H. She's been awesome to him.

I know it's hard for him to be cozy with my family now. I mean, duh. But, dude, don't refuse to talk to my mom when she's being super nice and making it clear that she considers you family still. All you have to do is be honest and tell her thank-you, but it would be too hard. Or even you don't know if you'll feel up to it. I mean, she would understand that. Or even tell me to tell her that. Just don't avoid her. That's undeserved.

Maybe I'm expecting too much.

I went to my old job yesterday for Thanksgiving dinner, which was so incredibly nice of them. That's the part of the company that was so hard to leave and that I miss: it's a group of fucking awesome people. Of course the very few who aren't are why I left, and even those people are decent people even if I didn't like them as coworkers. Well, except for the tall fake blonde with the fake tits and fake personality. I just don't like her.

(The divorce thing makes it hard to be around people I know who haven't seen me in a while. It's the big white elephant in the room that I don't want to talk about but is so damn big you can't avoid it. I don't have any easy explanations yet, my emotions change about it hour to hour -- it's just awkward to talk about. I'm just awkward about it. I try to joke and it sounds... off. I try to be serious and it sounds out of place. And it also bites because I keep bringing it up, because it's the big thing happening in my life. My primary relationship is ending, I'm selling and buying a house -- dude, I bore myself.)

Anyway, my friend G followed up the Thanksgiving lunch with an after-work drink and cozy bonfire at her house with (my former, her current) work friends. It was lovely and fun, and even though I was really happy to see those guys I did have the vaguely nervous thing from my damn agoraphobic tendencies. I am really hoping I'll be better when I don't live with an agoraphobic husband. Or just calm the hell down in general. I am one high-strung bitch these days.

I miss Xanex.

By the way, Bea is curled up next to me in a tiny ball. She looks like a Tribble.

I think I need to grab a bite before I meet my realtor. Peace out, yo. (I feel like talking in K-Fed.)

work, house and a cat

I'm home from work today. I called work and told them that I was either sick or really tired so I was going to stay home. I don't know if the honesty will bite me in the ass, but that's how I felt. So I've been on the couch in pajamas all morning with a grey (actually more... greige) kitten attacking my feet. Now she's stretched out next to me lying on my arm, precipitating one-hand-and-a-finger typing.

Okay, I moved her off my arm.

I had a photo shoot yesterday. It went well, I think, even if the weather was bad and the subject matter wasn't actually ready to be photographed. I made the call to not wait for it and we shot around it and I really really hope that wasn't a mistake. It all boils down to the pictures; yesterday's decision, my going to bat for the photographer and the increased cost will either make me a hero or get my ass fired. So the first hurdle -- my boss deciding whether I made the right decisions -- will be Thursday when we get the contact sheets. The next, of course, is when the client sees them, but if I have my boss behind me that one won't matter as much.

Met the cutest lady yesterday at the company office where we did the shoots: she had been there as a nurse for 55 years. Same office. I can't even imagine. She's 83 and doesn't want to retire and it was pretty obvious that everyone there loves her. I was invited into her office where she had all these awards for service to charitable organizations, pictures of her family, and a gazillion pictures of her with various prominent Democrats. Personal letters from Bill Clinton, candids of her and Al Gore: turns out she's really active in the Democratic party. I mentioned Cheney and this adorable little grandmother just ripped him up. LOVED her.

I really like this about the company I'm doing this project for: their people stay forever. The guy who showed us around had been there for 37 years. It's not even unusual there.

I'm superstitious so I'm not going into detail at all yet about my other big storyline (hee, I'm a dramedy!) but we maybe might be going under contract soon. Keep your fingers crossed. Just waiting for an answer to a question to D, mortgage broker and friend, to know if I'm okay with one of the buyers' conditions. Ees all so difficult.

It's good and bad that if this happens I'll need to get hopping on my house search. I mean, It will certainly be hard to deal with all this over the holidays, but on the other hand, I am very happy not be dragging all this out any longer than I have to. I think it's really starting to hit H and he's really having a hard time. It's hard for me not to feel guilty, even though my therapist has made it quite clear that I need to not fall into my own guilt trap. Major trigger indeed.

H seems miserable right now. He seems miserable at home, miserable at work. I feel sad for him. It's hard. So I really think that moving earlier rather than later would be better, even if harder in the short term.

I have to do what's best for me. That's been a hard lesson.

In other news, my kitten's name is Bea, as in Bea Arthur, another grey acerbic female. Plus I get to call her busy Bea, and sweet bea.

Yes, I'm a total dork, but I don't care.

So as a wrap up: my kitty Bea:

Thursday

Hello loyal reader(s)!

Yesterday was a Day 'O Insanity. Dude. If work was like yesterday often I'd really rethink the whole design thing. Today seems much more manageable so far.

Took the kitten to the vet this morning and she's been diagnosed healthy! And I can bring her out of quarantine, which I kinda did last night anyway. It's way too hard keeping her separated in the bedroom: she cries! And it's all kinds of pitiful.

So, yay!

And, no, I still don't have a name for the kitten. I'm totally retarded that way.

Thinking an offer on the house is incoming today. Keep your fingers crossed.

Well, shit, I'm just getting warmed up and now I have to go. Damn work.

I would totally buy this

It's a girl.

And by the way... I'm totally keeping the kitten.

Friday report

I love Atlanta except between four and seven on weekdays. The commute is painful. Please, someone, make MARTA actually usable! I'm serious: it frequently takes me an hour to get home. 45 minutes is good. And none of it is a nice drive: just balls to the walls. Oh, hee. I don't care if I used that right, it was totally fun to say.

Still working on the tedious frightening planning of photo shoots, plus cranking out this hugely detailed project with (happily corroborated by frazzled coworkers) a ridiculous deadline and trying to keep the house spotless for the people who aren't looking at the house. And the kitten is adorable and... time consuming. Seriously adorable though.

Sunday is Open House. Anyone have any ideas what to do with a 6 week old kitten in an Open House? I can't hide her in a bathroom as people looking at a house frequently want to see bathrooms. Anyone want to take in an open house refugee and kitten for a few hours? We can play Scrabble or watch kittenvision. She's very entertaining. More than me these days, I can tell you that. And as an added bonus this time I'm not even trying to give away the cat!

I met L out for lunch this week. I think I vented about work the whole time. Poor L, always giving me advice and providing a shoulder. It was nice. And I am such a dork: I drove as I thought it was farther but it was like four blocks away. All that bitching about driving, dude. But I am really glad I found about the lunch sushi buffet at RuSan's. As soon as work slows down I'm taking a book to RuSan's for a long lunch. And walking this time.

Anyway, L was telling me about this meeting she was attending, which is why she was in my neck of the woods. I love that all my friends have such interesting things that they do: work, school, art, design. It's all very interesting, all these glimpses into what everyone does all day. Not that I've talked to anyone in days, besides H or cats or coworkers. I owe emails and phone calls to everyone in my life. Love all y'all.

I want a long night o' sleepin' tonight.

what's not to love?